Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize