theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
