Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
