he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't deserve a penis
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
