My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
