So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i've created a new STD.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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