my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
