so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just invented taco cereal.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
