Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
