So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
