so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
