ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
