4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
