so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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