I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
