ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
