Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize