at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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