I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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