the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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