Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
