I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
