Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
