Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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