They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
