I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize