So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
