Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
