I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
