this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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