ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
