sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
