When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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