Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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