I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
