Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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