I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize