Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
