Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
