Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
