honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
