update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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