Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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