Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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