Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
