You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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