So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
