Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was born a porn star she said
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize