its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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