By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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