haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
