You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
