So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
