meet me or not, i'm out of control
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
