You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
