you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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