its not stalking. its research.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
