We named our party play list daddy issues
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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