i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
