You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
