Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize