I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
