The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it's like heaven, but drunker
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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