The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
