Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
