I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
