this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
