Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
